Are True-to-Themselves Introverts Immature?
Do introverts who respond with “I don’t want to” just need to grow up?
When I was active as a marketing consultant, I spoke out against prominent colleagues who inveighed their followers not to use “But I’m an introvert” as an excuse. “Follow my plan, and you will succeed,” they thundered. “Buck up. Stop whining or wimping out because cold calls or networking feel hard. Any goal in life that’s worth pursuing requires you to do something unpleasant. If you want the recognition and income that you deserve, you simply have to put yourself out there, again and again and again.”
I countered that these “gurus” touted an unnecessarily narrow path to success, and I backed that up with case studies where well-known consultants and entrepreneurs built a reputation and achieved prosperity using introvert-friendly marketing tactics. I also argued that marketing in tune with rather than in conflict with one’s personality led to a more authentic self-presentation that felt better and attracted ideal clients.
The attitude of those blowhards shows up outside of the marketing arena. They were expressing in vehement and bullying terms advice that often comes our way from parents, teachers, friends and voices within ourselves. Irrespective of what we prefer, we’re asked to conform to extroverted practices and customs. Yes, you need to go to the departmental party/family reunion/ team-building weekend, and you’d better stay till the end with a smile on your face! Would it kill you to pause by the elevator in the morning and talk about the weather or last night’s big game for a couple of minutes? Real life means mingling and making nice even if you’d rather be home streaming a movie or reading a book.
I wouldn’t call these exhortations 100 percent wrong. Whether it’s enduring a hug from an overbearing relative, memorizing verb conjugations or gathering the year’s receipts before filing taxes, adult life does sometimes call upon us to put up with unwanted experiences or activities.
All the same, using the label “immature” for an introvert’s urge to duck out of loud, long or silly social events or small talk is a low blow. Likewise, I deplore trying to shame people who would rather not buttonhole strangers by taunting them to “grow up.” Ditto for labeling a lifestyle with less socializing “isolationist” or “escapist.” On the contrary, when authority figures declare there is just one way to behave or to pursue one’s goals, it takes maturity and bravery to say “No, that doesn’t work for me.”
Perhaps the message that we don’t all have the same impulses and needs has begun to enter more people’s minds, however. The other day I was surprised – and pleased – to see a sign at the entrance to our local Walmart announcing “sensory-friendly hours” every day from 8 to 10 a.m. In that toned-down environment, people who recoil from noise and bright lights can shop more comfortably. Back home, I discovered that it’s now a national policy for Walmart. Similarly, articles on how to make a conference or other big event introvert-friendly are more common now than in the past.
Recognizing the social and personal circumstances in which you can thrive and arranging for those conditions when possible represents a step forward in self-respect and well-being. Such steps don’t constitute a regression to childish self-indulgence. That’s a foundational principle of Introvert UpThink, now nearing its two-year anniversary!
See also…
Why Introverts Do Not Need a Personality Transplant to Succeed (YouTube video)