Introversion as “An Excuse”?
Why a social trend of increased solitude and social standoffishness isn’t necessarily unhealthy or self-sabotaging. A critique of Derek Thompson's recent Atlantic article.
I recently read an interview with singer Caroline Rose where she described her childhood as largely running around by herself, happily building forts on her own and having conversations with imaginary friends. That sort of solitary contentment needs to be understood as normal, not only for children but also, in its grownup version, for adults.
However, a strong current of American thinking views spending lots of time alone as sad and unhealthy, admonishing introverts to make their peace with socializing. This viewpoint allows that personality differences exist, but maintains that introverts need to make more of a good-faith effort to behave like extroverts. Instead of using introversion as an excuse, we should try harder to enjoy small talk and big weddings – and we’ll be much happier for trying.
This is what came through to me from a long article in The Atlantic by Derek Thompson. After building a compelling case that Americans are spending much more time alone now than in past decades, Thompson leaves science behind by deploring this trend of “self-imposed solitude.” Too many young people, especially men, are now “socially stunted,” he argues, living like “secular monks.” No wonder there’s an epidemic of despair, he implies, since this is not the way human beings are wired to live.
The crux of his case appears in a section tellingly headed “The Introversion Delusion.” Some solitude is reasonable, he acknowledges, but the trend has gone way too far. In his words: “A night alone away from a crying baby is one thing. A decade or more of chronic social disconnection is something else entirely. And people who spend more time alone, year after year, become meaningfully less happy.”
Those who believe a relatively solitary lifestyle makes them content are wrong, Thompson claims. And here I find his evidence extremely thin. He cites one large-scale study of happiness and several small experiments showing that people who made the effort to speak to strangers during their commute or to behave more extroverted for a week felt good about those interactions afterwards. “We would have happier days, years, and lives… if we talked with more strangers, belonged to more groups, and left the house for more activities,” he concludes.
For me, his undifferentiated “we” amounts to the tiresome and denigrating insistence that there is one norm for humanity, which all of us should adhere to, regardless of predilections and preferences. Seventy-two percent of Americans say they are football fans, who would no more deprive themselves of the Super Bowl than stop eating for a weekend. Does that invalidate those who would rather curl up with a book or binge Netflix the second Sunday of February? It shouldn’t. We non-football fans rightfully find our alternative activities fulfilling. The same goes for introverts.
Furthermore, I find the claim that social psychologists know better than we ourselves what kind of lifestyle suits us best very disturbing. I’m open to the suggestion that more conversations with strangers might be diverting – after all, it would be a change and I might learn something – but not to the idea that I’d be happier putting aside my writing and thinking for raucous bar nights and a twice-weekly bowling league.
If you Google “introversion as an excuse” you’ll find plenty of posts on blogs and forums contending that “I don’t want to because I’m an introvert” is a lazy, self-indulgent and inconsiderate attitude. Derek Thompson comes close to that perspective by failing to recognize that what on average makes for a happy life doesn’t suit everyone. As I’ve said over and over again on Introvert UpThink, people differ. Perhaps some people could use more togetherness, but “Being an introvert, I thrive on alone time” is nevertheless a legitimate self-assessment worthy of respect.
I don't think this distinction is nearly as important as the matter of treating others with respect and consideration versus its opposite.