Just-Me Experiences: Solo Enhancements to Consider
Adventure for introverts: Take a step out of conformity and do something solo that most people do in groups.
Last month, the Boston Globe published a thoroughly charming essay on the joys of playing golf alone – not just as a onesome, but as the only person visibly playing on the course. As Gary Belsky, the author, explained, playing golf alone transforms into a Zen version of the sport:
“When you play alone, the first thing you notice is the quiet. Not just the absence of conversation but the absence of obligation. There’s no one to entertain, no one to impress, no one to keep pace with. The game slows down, not necessarily in time but in texture. You begin to hear things: the clean strike of a well-hit iron, the hollow punctuation of a ball dropping into the cup, the low rustle of wind moving through trees. The sounds of golf, usually background noise, become the experience itself.”
Alone, Belsky found himself more focused and more eager to try risky moves. He noted too that what we now think of as a quintessentially group activity seems to have started as “an improvised diversion for shepherds and other loners who had the time, space, and inclination to swing a crooked stick at a rock or piece of hardened dung.”
This essay got me thinking about other normally social pursuits that become more pure, more intense when experienced alone. As a guard at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, for example, Patrick Bringley had the opportunity before or after his shifts to stand face to face with world-class masterpieces of painting or sculpture. All to yourself in a gallery, without crowds, art is nothing but the art. In his memoir, All the Beauty in the World, Bringley described “the fluttering in my chest” while contemplating a 1565 work by Pieter Bruegel and other artistic creations that touched his soul. Perhaps we could have such an experience by arriving early or staying as late as allowed?
And while most people consider restaurant dining tailor-made for you and a spouse, a date or good friends, some food enthusiasts feel eating alone enhances their enjoyment of a meal. “Dining solo allows you to keep the focus on the food, soaking in every detail of the experience,” notes an Inspector for the Michelin Guide. Travel writer Amanda Kohr puts it this way:
“When dining alone, we eliminate one (albeit, sometimes pleasant) distraction from mealtime: listening and answering. Instead, our senses hone into the nourishment that sits before us. We drag our bread through olive oil, noticing the earthy green hue that coats the fluffy interior. The crunch of charred broccoli hums through our mouths. We slurp an oyster and taste the ocean.”
Journalist John Henderson, who brags that he’s visited 114 countries, likewise swears by traveling alone. It helps you be confident in your own impressions of a place, rather than being influenced by companions, he says, adding: “When you travel alone, it’s never crowded. You have the freedom to go where you want and do what you want when you want. There is no discussion. There is no committee. There is no compromise.” Dining solo and traveling by yourself might feel risky, as if strangers’ eyes are judging you as an oddity, but maybe that even multiplies your satisfaction when you go ahead and do so anyway.
Exploring a city – your own or a new one – alone on foot is a perfect instance where being on your own enables you to poke around wherever your curiosity leads you and to imbibe the quirky essence of the place without someone else’s filters. Think of Greta Garbo on her epic walks around New York City, dipping in and out of shops as impulses struck her, protecting her privacy with dowdy clothes, dark glasses and scarves.
And finally, while writing this post I remembered a short story I published ages ago, “Doors Made to Order,” about a well-heeled elderly woman who hears a haunting piece of chamber music at a concert and hires the musicians to replay it just for her in her home. Obviously, that’s a very costly option. But if you have another just-me idea along these lines, go for it, I say.
Thank you so much. This was very inspiring for an introvert who lives alone , loves loving company, but I need to become better at doing so many ordinary things better when alone. Great examples help don’t they?