Social Ties: Introverts Again Critique the News
New York Times readers challenged another article on the implications of longevity research for introverts.
Last month, the New York Times re-ran an article of theirs from October 2025 with the headline “Social Ties Help You Live Longer. What Does That Mean for Introverts?” As I did for a previous article of theirs on so-called “super-agers,” who had memory abilities typical of folks 20 to 30 years younger, and who all led highly social lives, I read the newer article and the 660+ reader comments on it very carefully. Nearly all the commenters identified themselves as introverts and expressed intense, reasonable skepticism about the article’s implications.
I found more wisdom and helpful perspectives in the comments than in the article.
Unfortunately, the Times reporter fell into several common traps of media coverage on this topic. For example, the first paragraph of the social ties article set up a contrast between “people who have strong relationships” and those who suffer from “chronic loneliness.” This duality is false. People who have close friends and active family ties can still suffer from loneliness – for instance, if their spouse of many years has died. And on the flip side, as many of the commenters emphasized, folks who socialize very little do not necessarily suffer from loneliness. The article failed to explain how such non-socializers could be physically and mentally healthy.
Some of the commenters complained that the very topic of the social-ties article exemplified a bias against introverts. Their tone indicated that the article was just one more instance of a long, tiresome and widespread campaign to persuade introverts to join in on social activities that they didn’t enjoy. The most highly rated reader comment declared, “Please stop telling introverts how to exist. Solitude is not a negative choice for us. It’s completely positive.” Lars in Sweden remarked, “I sometimes wonder if the constant pitching of extrovertism is a way to say: Be superficial! Have fun! Don’t bother with real and important questions, it just makes you boring!”
A man from Australia pointed out that all the studies cited in this tide of articles didn’t seem to look at extroverts separately from introverts. Was that methodology valid? “A study needs to connect longevity with the type of social lifestyle that causes stress, which is different for different people,” he suggested. A skeptical reader from Connecticut added, “It seems only extroverts need this constant affirmation that their social networking is healthier than taking a long meditative walk in the forest.”
Other commenters took issue with specific points in the piece.
The reporter claimed that “loneliness is inherently a stressful experience.” A critical reader pointed out that the article “completely fails to acknowledge the stress that we introverts feel from more social interaction than we’re comfortable with. By urging more socialization, there’s the demeaning subtext that the preference for solitude is somehow not normal.” Someone from the west coast argued, “Introverts deal with stress by taking time out from social functions. If that keeps us calm, then we should do that instead of going to another loud party.” Another said, “I have always been a loner. That is what makes me the happiest and most content.”
A psychology professor quoted in the piece proclaimed “four to six close relationships” as ideal for avoiding pitfalls that researchers say reduce longevity. This prompted a reader to joke, “Oh my! I need four to six close relationships to live to a ripe old age? Let me run down to Costco and buy the bulk pack.” Another introvert suggested, “‘One or two friends’ sounds less stressful.”
Another factor cited was that social relationships motivate us to take better care of our health. Yet a couple of dozen introverts testified in the comments that Covid-19 quarantines had brought them a greater sense of calm than they’d felt in years. Others agreed that only with the relative solitude of the pandemic did they realize how much pressures to socialize drained them. These introverts were counterclaiming that solitude, not social connection, set their baseline for better health.
And finally, according to experts cited in the article, frequent contact with strangers or loose acquaintances can provide beneficial mental stimulation. Really, for everyone? some commenters questioned. On this, a Ph.D from California shared, “I find it very, very stressful to be in social situations for more than a few minutes. It zaps my energy, increases anxiety that isn’t normally there and likely raises my blood pressure. I prefer one-on-one interactions with little noise and most prefer time with animals.” Another reader probably was not exaggerating when he said, “I would rather knock a year or two off my life than spend an hour or two with people I can’t stand.”
I don’t believe a single person responded in the comments, “Thanks for telling me about this research! I will change my lifestyle accordingly.” For me, that was a remarkable sign of how well we introverts can resist propaganda in favor of what we know to be true, from the certainty of our inner being. It also shows how extensively well-educated introverts like New York Times readers have taken in the affirming messages about introversion spread by Susan Cain in her best-selling book Quiet and others. Now if only medical, academic and media experts could also take in respect for human differences…
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Extroverts are often described as “the life of the party,” and as people “that never met a stranger,” and similar exaggerations. Introverts are often described as “shy,” “socially anxious,” etc. How crass and patronizing this mode of thinking is. As an introvert, I have no need to be the life of any party and other characterizations. I am quite content with my own company, a wonderful partner, and one good friend.