Is This the Season of Missing Out?
Fear of Missing Out is widespread enough today to have a popular nickname: FOMO. How is it experienced – or not – by introverts?
This time of year, advice columns feature letters about one member of a family who can’t stand noisy, jangly, so-much-togetherness holidays. Is it OK for the introverted dad or aunt to stay behind or opt out in some less drastic way? Or are the festivities so mandatory that the introvert must stuff their feelings and grin their way through?
All year long, both extroverts and introverts make decisions with “missing out” as a significant factor. But according to psychologists, the two personality types put that factor in a different position within their what-to-do calculations.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) refers to the “feeling or perception that other people are having fun, experiencing new things or living a better life than you.” In an era when social media brims with images of other people playing with toys in exotic places and having an outrageously good time, many feel the constant pressure of implied comparisons with themselves. Their envy can cause anxiety, depression and worrisome physical symptoms.
For introverts, however, FOMO often shows up as pressure to join social activities, despite not really wanting to, along with trepidation about others’ judgments that might result from following their own preferences. The introverts dread complications with family, friends and colleagues more than actual missing out. Holiday “shoulds” in particular tend to worry them, spawning dilemmas over how to balance others’ desires and expectations with what they themselves enjoy.
Remember that introverts have a physiology that makes them want to retreat from overstimulation. They need peace and solitude to relax and recharge. So unsurprisingly, introverts’ vision of an ideal holiday leans more toward quiet, small family gatherings than days-long, elbow-to-elbow circuses. For some, compromise offers the best solution. Others choose total accommodation of others – or of themselves.
Dilemmas, dilemmas!
Related posts
Elsewhere online: New essays by Marcia
“Reaching Back” in Stillpoint Quarterly
“The Fervent Finger of Blame” in The Quiet Reader
And happy holidays! See you next in 2025.