Your Introvert Reset Button
When you’re peopled out, simple rest may not restore you. Learn how to identify what actually leads to recovery for you.
Do you have an interesting introvert story to share?
I’m soliciting readers’ stories of introvert experiences.
Details at the very bottom of this email.
You know when you’ve had too much people time. You have a headache. You ache all over. Your mind feels frozen. Your jaw refuses to move to say even one word. You want to teleport to home, crawl under the blankets and stay there forever. But is that the best way to recover your introvert equilibrium?
British consultant Sam Sheppard makes the important point that rest alone doesn’t enable introverts to recharge. When your nervous system is overstimulated, lying on the sofa scrolling through your phone is numbing but not restorative. You’ll still feel tired and depleted. Even a good sleep doesn’t necessarily do the trick, points out an article from the American Psychological Association. Nor even an expert massage.
Self-help author Michele Connolly once booked a massage thinking it would be the perfect remedy for her introvert overload. It turned out to be anything but. “The massage dude kept chatting, being friendly, and constantly asking really irritating, intrusive questions,” she recalls. “I spent the whole time clenching everything in an attempt to silently communicate for the love of Pete PLEASE STOP TALKING. It was horrendously unrelaxing.”
Instead of what you feel should relax you, you need to identify what actually enables your nervous system to reset. The method differs from person to person.
Chef and food writer Adam Kelton swears by chopping vegetables as restorative. “Repetitive knife work – slicing cucumbers, dicing onions, shaving fennel – becomes a metronome for your brain,” he says. “When I need a mental reset, I pull a cutting board from the rack, queue up a simple mise en place, and just chop. I timed myself once and realized ten minutes of steady slicing dropped my heart rate and unkinked my shoulders more than a scroll through ‘relaxing’ videos ever could.”
When Illesse Trevis, director of Operations for Dreamscape Solutions in the UK feels drained, she finds that a spot near water works wonders for a “full-body, full-soul recharge”:
“Stepping out of the car and hearing the falls: That’s when the magic really started. I could feel the tension melting off my shoulders, my inner noise quieting. It was like my nervous system finally felt safe to let go. The sound of the rushing water was both powerful and soothing, echoing through the trees like nature’s white noise. The air smelled fresh and earthy, and when we stepped down closer to the water, it felt alive. It was simple, joyful, and exactly what we needed. I left feeling lighter. Recharged.”
For others, the ritual steps of making tea do the trick. Or a walk in the park with no headphones, no particular goal and no multitasking. Or settling down in a half-empty sidewalk café with a sketchbook or a knitting project. Or getting lost in the challenge of solving a jigsaw puzzle. Or at work, retreating to an unused conference room (or the upstairs bathroom!) and counting breaths for 20 minutes.
To identify your individual recovery method, first set aside all of your shoulds – such as that a massage should work. Do the same for other people’s favorite relaxers. Someone else, for instance, may find crossword puzzles frustratingly stressful, while you can immerse yourself in them as if they’re a luxurious bubble bath. Sort through memories to recognize the remedies that truly counteract introvert depletion for you and help you feel yourself again. Et voilà – you have your introvert reset button.
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If I receive suitable contributions, I would like to feature some of your insights and experiences related to being an introvert or dealing with an introverted spouse, child, employee, boss, neighbor, etc. The more specific you are about the setting and the relationship dynamics involved, the better.
Please send your essay/article/post to innies@yudkin.com.
Deadline is December 20. Target length is 700 to 1500 words. If I use your post, I will of course credit you with a byline and a two-sentence bio.
Thank you in advance for sharing your story.
- Marcia