Summer Stress: The Keys to Less
For introverts, summer presents some heightened dilemmas. Here’s how to enjoy the season’s warmth despite greater pressures and hassles.
Longer days, warmer temps, kids out of school and trips to the beach or a lake: Summer sparkles with the promise of relaxed delights. For introverts, though, summer may increase social pressures and dilemmas. Here’s your guide to taming summer stresses that may make you wish you could revert to just playing by yourself in the sand.
Outdoor socializing. It’s the season of barbecues, block parties, outdoor concerts, garden tours, amusement parks and company picnics, which often stretch from noon until the sun goes down – or beyond. As an introvert, you may feel taxed by long events and others’ expectations that you stay until the end. And a lot of these activities, such as fireworks viewing or backyard beer bashes, may involve crowds, noise and small-talk chatter that you find draining.
Family get-togethers. These days, many families live far apart, and summer seems like the ideal time to converge on one spot. When budgets are stretched or family traditions dictate close quarters, introverts may lack the retreat spaces they’re used to the rest of the year. Understandably, family who don’t normally see each other may want to make the most of temporary togetherness. You may love most of your relatives, yet still feel that too much is too much.
Invitations galore. Weddings, reunions and who knows what else: Your summer calendar may fill up with semi-obligatory events that you’d really rather not attend. Saying no too often, though, risks putting you on the outs with groupings that you wish to maintain ties with.
Think through these situations ahead of time in the light of your preferences, and consider the following tips for reducing the associated worries and torment.
1. Understand your limits. When you commit to activities or scheduling that you know will overload you, the resulting distress is predictable and partly your own responsibility. Through self-observation over time, try to calibrate what you can wholeheartedly enjoy and what will put you into a red zone.
2. Occasionally exceed what’s comfortable. Some special occasions, like a brother’s wedding or a one-time college reunion, call for acquiescence to what would normally overload you. When you know extended social interaction is going to tax your endurance, build in recovery time afterwards.
3. Duck out strategically. Although I didn’t like the book, I chuckled at the title, Hiding in the Bathroom, since that’s an introvert replenishment tactic as old as the Romans. If there’s a balcony for your in-laws’ apartment, ask how to open the French doors so you can “get much-needed fresh air.” In the movies, someone ducking out often thereby makes a new friend, lover or spying contact. Maybe your trying to rest alone for a few minutes will have a similarly surprising outcome.
4. Learn to say “no.” If the two-letter word “no” isn’t normally part of your vocabulary, practice it, along with softening excuses, in front of a mirror. People might be taken aback, but their reaction doesn’t usually have the dire consequences that you dread. Remind yourself that every “no” helps you safeguard your emotional and physical wellbeing.
5. Try to explain. Develop your own phrasing for educating friends, family, neighbors and people you’re just thrown together with about introverts’ sensitivity to overload and need for recharging away from social hubbub. Not everyone will be open to such ideas, but some will back off in a spirit of respecting diversity.
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